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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Thoughts

I'm sitting here, on the ferry going home, thinking thinking thinking. Not unlike a friend of mine

I've just come from the hospital where I got an ultrasound on my right breast. A bit ago I found a lump. I was told from the beginning, by both my family doctor and then my surgeon, that it was most likely nothing to be concerned about. Nevertheless, an ultrasound was booked, just to be on the safe side. Well, today I was informed, that it's definitely nothing to worry about.

A relief right?

Right. But now, here I am, like I said, sitting on the ferry, thinking. There is nothing like knowing that there is something potentially fatal in your body to make you ponder your life. Or rather, nothing like dodging a bullet to make you think.

What if it was a tumor? What if I was sick?

I'll tell you this, if I was dying, there would be a lot I would want to change about my life in a short amount of time. So what does that say about my life now? Why is it that it would take me actually being sick before I would "man up" and start to change things? Do you know what that says to me? Laziness (which is not a surprise to anyone, really, is it.) and a lack of resolve. No ambition, no focus.

I'm a dreamer with no Follow-Through. That's honestly something that I've known about myself for a long time, a very long time, maybe I've even mentioned it before. I'd like to change that... but the laziness always interferes.

Here's the sad thing: Even though I've been slapped in the face with the jizzed in sock of reality, there is a 95% chance that I won't change... Oh who am I kidding? A 99% change. Because I'm nothing if not a stubborn Ass.

Today, I'm wishing I had a little more of my SIL's fortitude. Now there is an amazingly strong woman who does what needs to be done. Everyone could do with a little of Lisa's strength.

Wow, that really was a "Dear Diary," moment, wasn't it?

Now, after those rather dreary thoughts, here's a couple of good points to my day:

  • I actually was in and out of my ultrasound appointment today before my appointment was scheduled to even begin. (I'm sure all of you realize the sheer amazing-ness of that when it comes to appointments at a hospital.) Thus, I was able to be on an earlier ferry, arriving home a full hour than anticipated.
  • I got my very first holiday coffee from Starbuck. A Peppermint Mocha in a festive red cup. Let the holiday's begin.

Heart's & Bubbles,
Lissy

4 comments:

Maya said...

Glad it was nothing to worry about!

xoxo

Kristi said...

I am so glad that it really was nothing!! It's scary to think about stuff like that and it's funny how it always takes something bad to make us change our ways. Change is hard work!! And being lazy is so much easier!!! Why can't it be the other way around??
I'm glad you got it checked out, got a happy ending, made it home on an earlier ferry (lucky), and got to have a yummy holiday treat :)
~Hugs~

Crystal said...

Glad it was just a scare Lissy. I, too, feel your laziness and fully agree on needing some of Lisa's strength. So much change is wanted, it seems insurmountable and stops me before I start. Hope you find it. Hope I do too.

XO

lisa said...

Oh Lissy... I just read this post for the first time today. I think you have a ton of strength. You have a huge job doing what you do at home, and dealing with all the bumps in the road along the way. I love you with all my heart and hope you find the inner happiness you are looking for, no matter how you get there.

ps.. I am strong, but it is only because of the great support of my family and dear friends :)

Thank you.