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Wednesday, August 04, 2010

345 Minutes of Hell

Name the place from these phrases:

  • "He's looking at me!"
  • "She kicked me!"
  • "He threw something in my eye!"
  • "She spat at me!"
  • "I'm going to pull over right now, if you two don't SHUT UP, and leave you right HERE!"

Did you guess Hell? Cuz you'd be right.
Also, if you guessed in the car with children, you'd be right too.

Mom and I had the bright idea, the other day, to take my kids and my two nephews outta town to do some back to school shopping and then to swing by a super nice beach on the way home.

30 minutes in, I was pretty sure I was going to kill my children and toss the bodies off the ferry.

300 minutes in, I was ready to pull over on the side of the road and find anything remotely pointy to plunge through my own heart.

To be fair, my nephews were beyond angels. Like, ridiculously sweet and well behaved.

Their purity, however, brought out a new level of evil in my monsters. There are no words for the creatures that were in my car yesterday, none. But, if you've ever watched the movie The Exorcist, then you are well on your way to getting the general idea of what they were like.

I know why some animals eat their young soon after birth.
Yesterday, I wondered why I didn't do it too.

Do you know why my children are yet breathing today? It's because we had a lovely interlude at the beach. Sorta like an intermission during Hell Theater.



Naomi said...

Oh I can sooo totally relate!!

Kristi said...

Oh no!! Sounds like a really rough day!!
Hope you are recovering nicely :)

Leslie R. said...

Oh yes...this recalls memories of our traumatic Christmas trip last year- 16 hours one way with two kids. AAAACK! It was worth the great visit though!

Maya said...

Oh you poor girl! Next time maybe you should pack something pointy to plunge into your heart- you know as an 'emergency exit' strategy! Just incase you can't find something on the side of the road!

Makes me look forward to my 18 hour drive out to your neck of the woods in a couple weeks. I think I need to throw up now!